


So he stopped

by the_darkest_soul



Category: Shadowhunters
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorder, Feelings, First Kiss, M/M, Raphael is there to help, Saphael, Simon is depressed, With happy ending, sleeping depravation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-26 02:31:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13848210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_darkest_soul/pseuds/the_darkest_soul
Summary: When you’re tired of something you just stop.Simon was tired of nightmares so he stopped sleeping, he was tired of feeling like a monster so he stopped feeding.





	So he stopped

**Author's Note:**

> It was born because I’m having a hard time now.   
> My depression is back, yay  
> Anyway I hope you like this little thing

When you’re tired of something you just stop.  
Simon was tired of nightmares so he stopped sleeping, he was tired of feeling like a monster so he stopped feeding. 

 

It all started really soon after his turn. He was now living at the DuMort and waking up half of vampires with his night screams. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Camille making him look in the mirror and whispering ‘You’re a monster Simon. You drink blood of innocent people. You’re a killer and there is nothing you can do about it.’  
His eyes snapped open accompanied by a loud scream, he was trembling, too scared to move.  
“I’m okay.” He tried to calm himself. ”I’m at the DuMort. I’m save.”  
At least he stopped shaking. 

It’s been two weeks now since he stopped sleeping and feeding. Fortunately there was nothing to do at night so he could spend all the time in his room reading and trying to keep his mind busy so he won’t think how exhausted and hungry he was. He was doing okay until someone knocked at the door.  
“Yea?” He called trying to sound strong.  
“Can I come in?” The voice asked.  
What the hell Raphael wanted from him now?  
“Sure.” Simon just sighed. “What the great clan leader wants from me?” He asked sarcastically.  
His brain wasn’t functioning correctly but he didn’t care.  
“Clan is worried.” Santiago answered as he closed the door behind him. “I’m also.”  
“Worried? About what?” Simon putted his book away and looked at Raphael.  
Now the leader noticed the bags under Simon’s eyes, the characteristic brown skin around them, effect of sleep depravation and the almost blank look. Raphael seen this look only few times, every time the vampire with it was starving.  
“You.” Santiago confessed as he sat on the bed.  
“There is nothing to worry about.” Simon lied not breaking the eye contact.  
“I can see how tired and hungry you are.”  
At this words Simon looked away. He was a really bad liar especially while looking into someone’s eyes.  
“I’m fine.”  
“Can you stop lying?” Raphael sighed irritated.  
“Why do you even care?” Lewis didn’t know what got into Raphael but he was too tired for this.  
“How long?” Santiago didn’t let go and Simon knew there was no use lying anymore.  
Raphael won’t leave him until he tells the truth.  
“Two weeks.” Lewis just answered.  
He saw other’s eyes widen but he didn’t say anything. Instead he bared his fangs and slitted the skin on his wrist. All Simon’s senses focuses on the blood. ‘No.’ He thought shaking his head.  
“No.” He repeated aloud.  
“You need to-“ Raphael started but Simon cut him off.  
“I said no!”  
He was now angry at the leader. Why can’t he leave him to die?! It’s not like anyone would care! One monster less.  
“Dios Simon you need to feed! Otherwise you’d...” he started but couldn’t finish the sentence as it got to him.  
At this moment Raphael understood what was going on.  
“You’re not her.” He just said making Simon look at him in surprise. “You’re not evil nor a murderer. You’re not a monster.”  
“I am.” Lewis denied weakly. “I should’ve died... “  
“But you didn’t and I’m glad I didn’t left you. So if you don’t want to do it for yourself do it for me because I don’t think I’d be able to live knowing I’ve let you die.” He paused but when there was now sign for Simon to talk he continued. “I care about you Simon and it’s scaring me but I’m more afraid of loosing you than to be rejected.”  
“I’d never reject you.” Lewis confessed without thinking. “I also care about you.”  
“Then drink. Please. I can’t loose you..” Raphael begged but Simon didn’t move.  
“I see her you know.” He just said. “Every time I close my eyes. She makes me look into a mirror. She tells me I’m a monster. A killer. I was terrified. So I stopped sleeping. But I still had it in my head. The thought of drinking someone’s blood. Someone who was alive. So I stopped eating.”  
There was a silence between them and Raphael was the one to broke it.  
“I felt the same.” He confessed, eyes locked with Simon’s. “But Magnus showed me that for some people I’m worth living and I want to show this to you. But you have to stay with me so I’d be able to do it. Do you trust me?” A single tear fell down Raphael’s cheek. He was terrified.  
Seeing this Simon’s heart broke. He had no idea how much he cared about the leader until now, until he was trying to save him. Slowly he grabbed Raphael’s wrist and licked the red stripe running down his hand. When he did that the hunger took control. Without hesitation he sank his fangs into soft skin, feeling the strength coming back. Drinking from other vampire was something more than just feeding, it was intimate, so when Simon bit in Raphael couldn’t help but moan from the sensation.  
A long moment passed until fledgling eventually broke the contact.  
“I’m sorry.” He started panicking as he noticed Raphael’s misted eyes and unconscious look. “I shouldn’t have... I-“ before he could say something more he felt a soft lips attacking his.  
The kiss was full of heated emotions although tender and comforting.  
“Don’t apologize mi sol.. I’m glad you did it but now you need to rest.” Raphael left a soft kiss on Simon’s temple.  
He was about to get up but the other stopped him.  
“Can you say?” Simon asked shyly. “Please?”  
“Of course cariño.” Santiago smiled.  
As he covered Simon he laid next to him.  
“Good night baby.” Raphael whispered wrapping his arms protectively around Simon.  
“Good night Raph.” Lewis turned around and buried his face in other’s neck. 

The nightmares were no longer haunting him although there was a lot of work ahead when it came to blood but Raphael was patient. He loved Simon too much to let him go.


End file.
